From Acorn to Oak Tree; Accessing Your Inner Self.

Have you ever noticed how children can be so undeniably themselves, in all their glorious, unedited presence? This seems a world away from the adults around them – juggling responsibilities, lost in thought, their inner worlds a whirlwind of past and future. This striking contrast, I've found in my work as a clinical psychologist, offers a powerful glimpse into a core part of who we are, something often overshadowed as we grow: The Self (with a capital S).

Over my years of experience, navigating the complex journey into the territory of our own minds with clients every day, I've come to an ever-deepening realization of the importance of Self and distinction from sense of self. These two aspects are absolutely crucial to explore for living a truly anchored life. Let me share what I've learned sets them apart and how I see accessing this inner Self as key to well-being.

The Self

The Self as your deepest core and full potential. It encompasses the entirety of your being – your conscious and unconscious processes, your inherent capabilities, your physical existence, and everything that makes you uniquely you. It's the totality, the central organizing principle that, I believe, inherently drives towards wholeness and integration throughout your life. Just as an acorn inherently carries the complete blueprint and drive to grow into a magnificent oak tree, the Self is that deep, often mysterious core I see present in people from birth. It's an innate potential, a fundamental essence that exists before our conscious personality fully forms, guiding your development towards becoming who you are truly meant to be. It holds the blueprint for your most authentic nature – your true north.

What is it like to experience someone operating from their Self? It’s often palpable – a sense of groundedness, authenticity, presence, and an almost effortless wisdom that transcends their immediate concerns. Interactions feel genuine, less driven by defensiveness or a need to impress. I often feel a sense of calm and trust in their presence, a quality I consistently observe both in the therapy room and in daily life when someone is truly connected within.

And what does it feel like to be in your own Self? It’s less about a specific emotion and more about a state of being. It's that quiet place of inner knowing, characterized by qualities like calm, clarity, compassion (towards yourself and others), curiosity without judgment, inherent confidence, quiet courage, creativity, and a deep sense of connectedness (both internally and with the world around them). It feels like coming home to yourself, a state of spaciousness and unwavering inner stability, even amidst external chaos.

Your Sense of Self

If I think of the Self as the deepest core and inner compass; your conscious awareness and perception of who you are right now; the self we most often are aware of. This is the narrative you hold about yourself – your understanding of your personality traits, your roles in life, your values, beliefs, personal history, and how you feel about your own worth and image. Sense of self is shaped by your interactions with the world and others. It's how you see yourself in the mirror, how you describe yourself to others, and how you navigate daily life based on this internal understanding of "me." It's a dynamic construct, constantly being updated as you encounter new experiences. Crucially, sense of self can develop in ways that are either functional, accurately reflecting your core and supporting healthy growth and adaptation, or dysfunctional, containing distorted routes, negative landmarks, or inconsistencies that hinder your potential and lead you astray.

How we loose our Self

As infants and young children, I believe we are more directly connected to the Self. Observe a child utterly captivated by an ant; this deep absorption and presence is often a glimpse of the deep connection that exists, before the Self often begins become cloaked. The development of language, cognitive abilities, and increasing interaction with our environment, we begin to form a sense of self. We learn to differentiate ourselves from others and the world and an inner dialogue about the self, the world and others develops.

This development, while crucial for navigating the world, can also lead to disconnection from the direct experience of the Self. I often see clients who have become so identified with the thoughts and stories in their inner dialogue that they've lost touch with that deeper, more fundamental core – that inner compass pointing the way. When discrepancies exist, we feel it, and it is painful.

This is where support can benefit, helping a person identify that they have moved away from Self and navigate back home. We may explore values and recognize the feeling of being in Self – that state of calm and clarity distinctly different from the noise of overthinking. We might reflect on past moments of deep presence or captivation as powerful indicators of the Self. We test values through small actions, reassessing how they feel as a way of checking alignment with the Self. We also create deliberate observation points or “pit stops” to slow down, step out of the automatic stimulus-response cycle, and simply observe internal states without judgment, noticing the subtle feeling of being in Self. It's about learning to differentiate the authentic signal of Self from the overwhelming thoughts and turbulent emotions that scramble the personal map and pull us away. Further, work may involve identifying and managing internal (e.g., getting tangled in our own thoughts and feelings) and external barriers to change (e.g., reactions from significant others who might find any shifts difficult or even threatening).

A large and profoundly important part of my work as a clinical psychologist is precisely this journey. By doing so, we work towards finding an enriched sense of purpose and meaning that isn't dictated by external expectations or past wounds, but springs from that deep, authentic core – allowing the inner "oak tree" to grow in the direction of its true potential. This connection also fosters a deeper sense of connectedness – both within ourselves and with the wider world.

Summary: Based on my clinical experience: The Self is your deepest, most authentic core and potential – like an acorn's blueprint, your inner compass. Being in Self feels like calm presence; you see it in others too. As we grow, we form a sense of self – your personal map of who you are, which can help or hinder growth. Getting lost in thoughts/feelings or a dysfunctional map disconnects you from the Self, causing pain. Accessing the Self means navigating internal and external barriers. Therapy helps find your Self/compass via clues like values, moments of presence, feeling Self-energy, and navigating challenges, leading to deeper purpose, meaning, and connectedness – becoming your fullest "oak tree."

Dr. Kimberley Nash